


Unhappy Days that Left us on the Floor

by imkristinwbu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: !!, :-), Angst, Asshole Dean, Cheating, Depressed!Sam, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Sad Sam, Sad sad sad, There :-), This is way more professional than I usual write my tags, Weecest, Wincest - Freeform, buttfuck, ish, it's summer break, there's not dialogue at the beginning, weecest angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:04:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3272735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imkristinwbu/pseuds/imkristinwbu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Friday night, going on 1 am, and Sam is crying because his brother can't settle for just him. Go fucking figure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello hey this is sad and angsty bc that's all i know how to do pls leave feedback and tell me how much you love it (or hate it, that's fine too) thank u i love u

As soon as the hotel door clicks shut, Sam lets his eyes open. His eyes are already wet with unshed tears, soon to be shed. The younger Winchester stares at the ceiling like it holds all the answers. Sam looks over at the small analog clock, and it reads 12:26 am.

They're in Virginia this month, and as far as Sam knows, the bars in this state close at two in the morning. He doesn't want to think of Dean pounding a petite bartender against a bathroom stall, but it seems like that's what he's gonna do anyways.

He imagines Dean flashing his ID at the bouncer with a boyish smile and eyes shining bright. He imagines Dean flirting up anything with a cute smile or a nice ass. 

Sam mindlessly flips to his right side, attempting to get comfortable. His chest is burning at the exertion of trying not to cry. He's almost used to this feeling by now; he wishes he didn't have to be.

Sam is so tired, considering the fact that Dean fucked him earlier tonight. He tries to close his eyes, but the vivid images of Dean letting some whore grind against him makes them open once again.

It's Friday night, going on 1 am, and Sam is crying because his brother can't settle for just him. Go fucking figure.

Sam wants to scream, he wants to cry and most of all, he wants to know why he can't be enough for the only person who actually -at least he thinks he does- cares.

He tries so hard to do things that make Dean happy. He follows the no chick-flick moment policy, although it would definitely do Sam some good to talk about how he feels.

He does everything Dean asks him to do, even if he doesn't want to. The only things Sam wants from Dean is for him to at least pretend that he cares about his little brother.

Maybe that's all Dean sees me as, Sam can't help but think bitterly. Just the sicko little brother that Dean has to fuck sometimes to keep satisfied, only to leave him later that night to replace Sam's scent with someone else's. Someone else who will never love Dean as much as Sam does. Sam thinks that no one is capable of that much love, especially that much love for Dean.

Sam loves Dean with everything in him. He feels like he always has, and probably always will. Even if Dean continues this stupid, unnecessary shit.

Sam is 99.9 percent sure that Dean knows that Sam knows what Dean is doing. One morning, Dean could even see the tears Sam's eyes, but he passed it off as it being too early in the morning for the teeanger. 

But Dean has to have known it wasn't true. Sam has so many thoughts running through his head at that moment. He can still smell the girl's perfume; it's faint, but it's definitely there. It's like breathing in gas, voluntarily.

He wonders if Dean can still smell it too; he wonders if Dean likes her Victoria Secret smell more than he likes Sam's musk.

That was the worst days for the both of them.

Sam comes back to reality when he feels hot tears running down his cheeks. He rubs at them, angrily. He hates crying in the middle of the night, like a scared child that can't live without his big brother.

Except that statement is true; he can't live without Dean. Trying to live without Dean would be like trying to live without oxygen. He doesn't even want to try.

Sam checks the clock again: 1:46 am. Dean should be back soon, so Sam relaxes himself into the bed and tries to go back to sleep.

Sam hears the hotel door click approximately five minutes later and-

"Who's that?" 

That's definitely not his Dean's voice, and Sam swears to fucking God if Dean really brought back one of his fucks back to the hotel room where they literally just fucked three hours ago, he is going to-

"My brother, don't worry about him. He'll be fine,"

Dean doesn't even sound any sort of drunk, which means he's doing this with no influence. He's doing this because he really wants it, and the thought makes Sam want to vomit.

Sam can hear them kissing. The love of his life just tossed him to the side like he was nothing, and then continued to kiss another man in the bed right beside where Sam is 'sleeping'.

Sam and Dean literally just fucked in that bed. Sam can't stop repeating that thought in his head, it's replaying over and over like a broken tape.

He can still hear the praises of, "So good, Sammy, God, how did I ever get so lucky?" which must've been just lies. All fucking lies, because Dean doesn't love him. 

Sam doesn't know what to do, he wants to scream at Dean that he fuckings hates him, even if it's not true. Because maybe, _just maybe_ , telling Dean that he hates him could make Dean feel the pain that he is feelings at this moment.

But at the same time, Sam just wants to curl up in a ball and cry until he literally can't anymore, because how could he have been so stupid? Dean is just- Dean. He's perfect and has a beautiful smile that could light up a whole city. All in all, Dean is just out of Sam's league. Sam's actually surprised this didn't happen earlier.

Dean deserves someone so much better than a gangly teenager who cries too much, and wants way too much attention.

Sam's trying to block out the noises that the guy is making as Dean pounds into him. Sam can hear the bed hitting the wall, and he's so glad he's facing the other way because he's genuinely scared that seeing Dean and this mystery guy fuck would send him spiraling into a mental breakdown; he already feels like he's on the way to one as it is.

Hearing them fuck was like getting punched in the face repeatedly. Sam was able to cling to hope that maybe his brother loved him too much to cheat on him, when he had no cold-hard evidence that it was happening. But now that he was doing it close enough that Sam could literally reach out and touch, it made it so so much worse. Now Sam had to face the facts.

His brother didn't love him as much as he thought he did.

Just thinking it made him sob; Sam made sure to cover his mouth so no sounds would make it past his hand.

Sam fell asleep to the sound of Dean moaning, "Oh fuck, Jesus, you feel so good,"

Sam couldn't help but see the similarity in what he said to this guy to what he said to him all the time.

\--

Sam wakes up with a pounding headache from crying so much, and no sight of Dean.

 _He's probably finding his next fuck already,_ Sam thinks. Just then, Dean comes in with coffee and what looks like donuts, with a bright smile on his face. The smile falters when he sees Sam.

"You okay, Sammy?"

Dean actually has the audacity to act worried, like he didn't pound some guy into his bed with no regard to his little brother in the next bed over.

His little brother that is also his fucking boyfriend. God, Sam kind of wants to die at this moment.

Sam just says, "It's Sam." before getting up from the bed and going to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. As soon as the door is shut, Sam slides down its surface, and begins sobbing his heart out. They're ugly, loud sobs; not the gentle ones from the night before. They hurt his throat, and he's sure his face is turning red and his lips probably look like blood. But he doesn't care, he just wants to be loved.

Loved by the man that just doesn't care. Fuck.

He knows Dean can hear him, he has to be able to. The walls in this stupid fucking hotel room are thin enough that Sam could probably punch a hole through it. That actually sounds pretty appealing right now. Instead, Sam brushes his teeth and tries to distract himself from crying even more. He's taking deep breaths, and still trying to calm himself down when Dean gently knocks on the door.

"Sam? C'mon, bud, let's talk."

Bud? Did Dean just fucking call him bud? And who would've thought that, that would be the final straw?

Sam's out of the door and into Dean's face before he even thinks about what he's doing.

Dean looks surprised, scared even.

"Yeah, Dean, let's fucking talk!" Sam's face is still tear-streaked, and his throat is still raw, but he needs to get this off of his chest.

"What do you want to talk about first, Deano?" Sam can feel Dean's huffs of breath against his lips, and if they weren't in this situation, Sam would want to kiss him.

"Sam-"

"I hope he was good, you know? You deserve that." Sam's anger doesn't last very long, and it dissolves into self loathe.

"Sam, don't even talk like that."

"It's true, though, right? I'm not good enough for you, so you decided to fuck a guy right in front of me." Sam feels absolutely pathetic; he is pathetic.

"I don't want him!" 

"Well, you're gonna have to find someone to keep your dick wet. Because it sure as hell isn't gonna be me anymore." Just saying the words make his heart shatter. Again.

"Please don't say tha-"

Sam punches him the face. He puts all of his force into it, and he gets some sort of sick satisfaction from seeing Dean fall back.

"That's for breaking my heart. I'm going for a walk."

Sam actually considers never coming back.

\--

Weirdly, when Sam comes back, Dean isn't piledriving some whore into the bed. Dean is sitting on his bed, in a pair of grey sweats and no shirt; he opens his mouth as if he's gonna talk.

"Don't," Sam says.

Sam cries himself to sleep that night. He doesn't even bother trying to hide his hitching breath, or the sobs that escape his mouth.

Dean ignores him, and for that, Sam is thankful. How could he explain to his brother that he was falling into a state of depression because said brother couldn't keep it in his pants? Exactly.

Sam would like to see _you_ try.

\--

Sam climbs into Dean's bed at exactly 2:24 am. He cuddles into Dean's back, and while Dean snuggles back into it, he still doesn't say anything. Sam goes back to his bed before Dean wakes up so they can both pretend like it never happened.

That morning, John calls and tells Dean that he's in Maryland, and that Dean and Sam need to be there by that night.

\--

After checking into a motel, Sam takes a shower and attempts to go to sleep. It's early, and Dean has to call John to tell him they made it.

"Sammy? Can we talk?"

Sam sighs loudly before sitting up in his bed, "What?"

"Can we just go back to how it was before?"

"By 'before', do you mean you walking all over me and only showing me attention when you want to fuck?"

"I-I didn't treat you that bad, did I?" Dean sounds genuinely shocked and Sam wants to beat his face in.

"Dean, how many people did you fuck while we were in this... thing?" 

"I... I, um," The older Winchester's face turns a deep shade of red, and Sam just rolls his eyes. So fucking typical.

"Two," Dean says, and that shocks Sam. Sam was expecting more, but the small number didn't make the fact that Dean cheated on him. The man that he trusted everything with.

"There was that one in Arkansas, I know you know about her. I think I still smelt like her perfume or something." Dean plows on, even with that pained expression on his face.

"And the one in Virginia, and I don't fucking know why I even did that, Sam."

"Yeah, well, me neither." Sam shrugs and he wants the floor to swallow him.

"It was so stupid of me to do that, and I know that now. I- shit, what the fuck was I thinking?" 

"You fucked him in the bed you fucked me in."

"I... I know."

"You praised him like he was some sort of fucking gift from God, while I was crying my eyes out." Sam continues, and Dean physically flinches.

"I'm gonna make this easy for you, Dean. We... we can try this again, okay? But I swear to fucking God, if you sleep with anyone else but me, I will leave."

Dean kisses him, and laughs against his lips, "Where would you go?"

Sam ignores the question, and continues to kiss Dean; he doesn't mention the Stanford acceptance letter at the bottom of his duffel.

He won't go if Dean doesn't give him any reason to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES MAKE ME MAD GOODBYE I LOVE YOU


	2. Gone, Gone, Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't keep his word. Honestly, Sam doesn't know why he believed Dean would in the first place.

Everything's going perfect, and that's when Sam should have known something was gonna go wrong. Dean showed him affection, and constantly reminded him that he didn't want anyone but him. It's not all Dean's fault, though. It was also Sam's for actually believing all the sweet things Dean whispered into his ear.

It was going on August; Dean and Sam were in Washington. They were living in a small house (since John actually had the money this time) and life was actually pretty good.

Dean had a job as a waiter at a small diner down the road, and Sam went to the library every chance he got.

Things were going so, so good for both of them. And then everything went to absolute shit.

The sure signs of Dean cheating on him started occurring again; this time full-force, almost worse than last time. Sam doesn't like thinking about last time. It physically pains him.

Sam felt like a wife getting cheated on; with Dean's staying extra hours at work, not communicating (that's normal, to an extent), and worst of all, never even _trying_ to touch Sam.

Sam wants to say something. Just a quick, "Why are you acting like I'm disgusting?" or just coming right out and asking, "Are you cheating on me again?"

The younger Winchester knows he should just ask, but he's so scared of it being confirmed. Or that Dean will straight-up lie and say, "Sammy, why would you think that? I love you too much, I would never do that to you again." because Sam would be able to see the lie in his eyes. And oh God, it would hurt so much.

So Sam doesn't say anything. He continues like nothing's wrong, and convinces himself that there isn't. The tall boy tells himself that he's just paranoid from what happened last time, which is a logical explanation.

That's during the day though. At night time, Sam lays in his bed, alone, thinking about how similar this is to when Dean slept with that man. _Maybe Dean would do that again_ , Sam ponders to himself.

Dean comes stumbling home at 1am, and when Sam hears the rickety front door open, he literally feels his heart drop. He waits for some girl to say something, and for Dean to continue to fuck her or something. That moment doesn't come.

Sam hears the sure sounds of Dean stripping before slipping into Sam's bed; Dean doesn't put his arm around Sam. Even though Dean's been keeping his hands to himself since about a week after they moved here for the time being (they've been here for almost four months now), it still stings like salt on a fresh cut.

The two brothers are facing opposite ways when Dean says, almost mutely, "I love you." It sounds flat and rehearsed. Sam can't help but remember when Dean used to say that phrase so happily and full of passion.

Sam can't point out when their relationship was ruined, but he knew it was.

\--

When Sam finally got a part-time job at the library he was ecstatic. He loved being there, and to be paid for it was just a plus. Sam marked the day where he got that job as when things got worse. He thought the job would be a good thing, but it ended up being just the opposite.

He was working there for two months, and it's the middle of September when everything comes to an ugly head.

\--

Everyday that Sam came home from wherever he was (mainly the library), he always expected to find Dean plowing some male/female through some flat surface, whether it would be a bed or a counter or a table, Sam didn't know.

But what he did walk into was much more horrible than Dean fucking someone.

He was cuddling with some girl, on their couch, and they were sweetly kissing. She was beautiful, brown hair and- _a beautiful smile_ , Sam realizes as she smiles into the kiss. The younger brother is still frozen to their front door. He doesn't know if he should walk out or make himself known or just start screami-

"Um, who are you?" The girl asks, and she even sounds gorgeous.

Sam can see Dean's eyes pop open at her question and Sam is surprised he's not crying right now; he thinks it's because he feels numb.

"Sammy, you have another hour at the library!" Dean's talking in that high voice, and Sam lied about being numb, because he can feel his heart in his throat and it's painful.

"Who is this, Dean? Oh my God, it's your boyfriend, isn't it? Look, I didn't know. He didn't tell me, I'm so sorry." And Sam doesn't hate her. She looks genuinely upset that she might be part of an affair, and Sam just shakes his head.

"I'm just his little brother." Sam says, and the woman obviously relaxes. Sam spares a small look to his older brother, and he looks upset that Sam even said that. Sam's just upset that Dean is having a cuddle date with some girl, while he won't even touch the man he's supposed to love.

"Oh, well-" She begins, and she has a bubbly attitude to her. She's adorable, and Sam's just- not. 

"I think it's time to go, Courtney."

The newly named girl, Courtney, actually complies easily. Before leaving, Sam hears her say, "These are always fun, baby. I'll see you next time, okay? Maybe we can spend some time with your little brother."

And wow, that makes this suck a lot more. Dean's not screwing someone behind his back, he's dating a girl, and he brings her to their house whenever Sam is gone and Sam is having a hard time standing up right now. He might just fall, he might collapse and no one will be there to pick him up.

The hazel-eyed Winchester makes his way to the couch -where Dean and his girlfriend were sitting- and lets himself sit down before he falls. Again. Sam stares at the wall, with so many and too many thoughts running through his head.

"Sam?"

"Hm?" Sam turns his head and looks at his everything. The man that's he fallen so hopelessly in love with.

Dean is searching his brother's eyes, and all that he sees is _broken_. Sam looks so fucking broken right now, and it actually scares Dean.

There's a silence. The older brother doesn't know what to say, since he knows nothing is gonna fix this. He loves Sam so much, but Dean is stuck in his habits. He can't help it, and he hates hurting Sam. He really really does. He's in love with his little brother, but God, he's Dean Winchester. He's bound to fuck up, once or seven times.

Dean's trying to think of what to say when Sam silently gets up and walks to their shared bedroom. The older Winchester hears the door softly click shut. He waits for something else to happen as he mindlessly looks at the television. That something happens about half a hour later.

There's a crash, that sounds like something being thrown, followed by something shattering, then Sam screaming about wanting to die. Dean is up and going towards the room, and is very surprised when he bumps into Sam himself.

Sam looks, creepily okay, to put it simply. Of course his face is red from crying and he has a slight shake to him, but other than that, he doesn't look like he was just screaming about dying.

His little brother's voice is hoarse but steady when he says, "I'm leaving tomorrow for Stanford." and then turns around to return to their room. The words feel wrong in Dean's head. His baby brother is leaving him. All because he couldn't just settle for him. God, Dean felt like such an idiot.

"Sam!" Dean walks to their room quickly, when he makes it there, Sam is lying on his side. His shoulders are shaking. Dean lays his hand on his shoulder gently, and Sam flinches hard away from the touch. Dean holds back the tears because he doesn't deserve them.

"Sam, you can't leave me." Dean's tone of voice sounds pathetic.

Dean's soulmate is silent.

"Sam, please don't leave me,"

"I'm sorry, Dean."

And that's fucking Sam for you. Apologizing because he's leaving the man that constantly hurts him. Apologizing because he's doing what he believes will be best for him, but can't Dean be selfish just this once?

A nagging voice inside of Dean's head reminds him that all the horrible things he's been doing to Sam is selfish enough.

Dean crawls into the bed beside Sam, and wraps his arm around his baby's waist. He kisses his neck, and then nuzzles his head into Sam's hair; trying to memorize the scent of the shampoo Sam always gets, whether their dad likes it or not. He rubs his hands all over Sam's body, making sure to remember how every part of him feels.

Sam lets him because this will be the last time his soulmate gets to touch him, and fuck him, and make "love" to him. Because come morning, Sam will be gone. 

Sam will kiss Dean's forehead where he's laid, fucked out and sated, and grab his already packed bag, and quietly leave the front door a hour before Dean usually gets up. He will get on the bus and try to mentally prepare himself for his new life. It hurts. It hurts so much, and Sam wants to go back and pretend like he never left in the first place. He wants to see Dean's sleepy smile when Dean wakes up to find Sam watching him with a much smaller smile on his face.

He wants to stay with Dean forever, but he can't because Dean obviously doesn't truly love him.

When Dean wakes up, he'll automatically be able to detect his brother's absence. He'll keep his eyes closed for a moment, and pretend like he can still feel Sam's warmth beside him when in reality the only warmth he feels are the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Dean will take deep breaths, and tell himself he's free now. He can fuck and date anyone he wants without his clingy little brother finding out, but really he feels trapped now.

Dean will call his father, and tell him he's gonna find his own hunt. John will congratulate him like he just told him he just won the lottery. When John asks how Sam's doing, and how he feels about doing a hunt without their old man, Dean will hang up.

The older Winchester will treat every hunt as a suicide mission, because without his brother, his baby, his soulmate, he has no reason not to, now does he?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing sad stuff is my jam u dig  
> okokok idk if the note under this is here for u where it says "sam canonically goes to stanford so u know what that means" or whatever, just ignore it idk wtf is going on leave comments and feedback i love u!

**Author's Note:**

> sam canonically goes to stanford and we all know what that means :-(


End file.
